In Veins
by creepweirdoloser
Summary: "I fucking hate it, I try to but I can't fucking do anything anymore, I can't... I'm so fucked pissed!" RoyEd


**A/N: I saw the 'You're in my veins, you fuck'-thing on Tumblr and well, I just wanted to make Ed say that (to Roy ofc) this turned out to be totally different than what I had in mind and I'm not sure how I feel about this but… anyways, I had to write **_**some**_** RoyEd before NaNoWriMo! :D**

In Veins

Before, the only thing Ed could really feel rushing through his veins, had been the will - the _need_ to find a way to bring Al's body back. And alchemy, the energy of it. Knowledge, the hunger for it.

And when Ed stayed up the nights, he thought about it. He thought about it a lot.

He had been thinking about it way too much, for way too many nights he had just stayed up, with the memory of touches, of kisses all over his body... want, need, something - something that made it impossible to concentrate on anything else, all he could was to stare at the walls and when he finally did fall asleep, his dreams felt so real and when he woke up, he was so frustrated because he knew they were only dreams.

He was trying so hard to concentrate because he had a goal to achieve, he had to devote every single second to Al - to get his body back and Ed wasn't allowed to even think about anything else but that.  
It's just the hormones, the puberty, Ed told himself. _It will go away and then I can finally concentrate on what's most important._

But that - thing, feeling, (whatever it was) rushing through his veins during the nights he stayed up, told him a different story.

_Stop, just fucking stop!_ Ed tried to tell it all over again yet it only seemed to grow and grow.

Until he finally ran out of patience.

"I'm gonna come back in a bit," he muttered to his brother.

"Are you alright? You've been acting weird for a while now..."

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just... gotta go," Ed said and rushed out of the door before Al could ask any more questions.

Ed ran from the dorms, through the city to a familiar house, with that thing screaming even more and more loudly with his every step and he couldn't take it anymore, he was so sick of it, it wasn't supposed to be that way, he was so, _fucking sick of it_ -

"OPEN UP, YOU BASTARD!" Ed yelled as he banged the door loudly.

Roy opened the door, looking irritated.

"What the hell are you doing, Fullmetal? You're waking up the whole neighbourhood..."

Ed rushed inside and heard Roy sigh and close the door.

"What is it?" he asked, almost softly and Ed hated, hated, truly _hated_ it because that thing in his veins just didn't stop.

"I fucking hate it, I try to but I can't fucking do anything anymore, I can't... I'm so fucked pissed!"

"Edward," he said and Ed flinched and fell quiet, it was so rare to hear his name from those lips.

"Calm down... is this about Alphonse, the stone?"

Ed blinked and stared at man and groaned.

"No... I - I wish it was, it should be. But because of you I can't even research! You fucking asshole!"

Roy raised his eyebrows. "Excuse me? I don't recall doing anything to sabotage you achieving your goal, quite the contrary. And yet, here you are, disturbing me in my house..."

_Don't recall doing anything_?!

Ed pushed him against the wall, grabbed his collar, wanted to hit his head with his own, he was so annoyed, so, _so_ messed up... wanted to hit his own head so hard he would just forget.

But then he made the mistake of looking into the dark eyes and then - he kissed him. Slowly gently, surprising himself as well. As if he wanted to linger and linger on that kiss, his hands on Roy's neck, Roy's hand on his hair.

Roy pulled away and the frustration seemed to fill Ed again.

"Ed... you know what we agreed on."

_This can't happen again, it was a mistake. Never again._

"Of course I fucking know! But I -"

Roy glanced at him and understanding light up his face.

"You can't study because of - this? Us?"

_Us_, once it had been just a word, and suddenly Ed held onto it, suddenly it was everything to him. But it can't be, he tried his best to remind himself.

"It's your fucking fault, this all is!"

"_How_ the hell is it my fault, when _you_ were the one who kissed me?"

"So fucking what?! You kissed me back!"

They glared at each other, with heavy breaths, mouths ready to insult more, to curse more, _I hate you more_, mouths ready to - kiss.

With his mouth against Roy's, Ed knew he needed it. He did. He wanted to just be there, to lose himself and everything about himself in that kiss. And at the same time it was like he was being put together, he was ripped in pieces, put together, ripped... and the sensation was something he'd never felt before, somehow it made him want to cry, how much he needed it, the agony of being so long without it...

"No… no," Roy murmured against Ed's mouth.

Ed wanted to smash his face because it took only that one small word for him to smash Ed's _everything_.

"You know we can't, this can't happen... we talked about this, you agreed. Dammit, Edward. Don't do this."

Ed hated the almost pleading voice, the hint of desperation in Roy's eyes. It made him so _angry_. Did he really think Ed was doing it all on purpose?

"Why the fuck are you always acting like it's my fault? For your information, it's not, you piece of shit! I can't help it, alright! I tried and tried... it's not my fucking fault! It's not like I wanted this, I can't sleep, I can't think, I can't concentrate, I can't do anything! Know why? Because OF YOU, YOU ASSHOLE! You're in my veins, you fuck!"

Ed breathed heavily, glaring at Roy and when he saw the shock in the man's face, he started thinking about what he had just said. Shit. Fuck. Fucking shit. Oh fucking hell, why had he said that all aloud?!

"I... just forget it," Ed mumbled, not facing Roy's eyes and rushed out before the man had time to do or even say anything.

'You're in my veins'... Ed flushed in embarrassment. He had definitely said way too much. But then again, it made sense. Somehow, Roy had so easily, with just kisses and touches, gazes, lured his way into Ed's veins.

And Ed had a feeling it was definitely _not_ just a phase.


End file.
